I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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