we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
