I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
