Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
