u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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