and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
