who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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