Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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