i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
