Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
