It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I need to calm my uterus...
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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