I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
