Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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