I think my fart just growled at me.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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