I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
