note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
