I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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