he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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