out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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