I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
