My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i just google imaged poop.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize