i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
