I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
