Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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