to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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