I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
