3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
