Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
