So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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