dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
