Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
