i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize