I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
