if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
