Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
