I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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