eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
