Can i not drive my cunt home
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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