I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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