Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
