Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
