WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
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