Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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