OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm like, not good at living.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
