It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
