I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
