hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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