i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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