you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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