Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
