Sry I called you an 8
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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