He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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