hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
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