My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
