ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
