no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You took a bar mat shot.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
