I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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