you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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