she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
