No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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