is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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