Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
