Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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