HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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