Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i dont even know how to be here
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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