the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
