My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
