are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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