Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
