Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
