Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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