READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
