so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
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