In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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