I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
